Amazing country, but I’ll never do a home stay again
I took the LTL’s semester in China this spring and got to experience the culture first hand. China itself is an amazing country and I have definitely experienced a totally different culture compared to what I have been used to as a Scandinavian. I have always been very open to and interested in new cultures and meeting new people, and I also expected to face some misunderstandings due to culture or language, but I didn’t expect my home stay to be like it was. First day I was asked by my host family to buy my own toilet paper, towel and soap for washing my clothes. It’s not expensive, so I didn’t mind, but I was told that I had to buy it myself because the school paid them so little money so they couldn’t provide it for me. Often in class if I just borrow something such as a paper for notes or a colored pen to underline something I was met with the comment “you can borrow it now, but maybe you should buy your own in the future, because I can’t afford to let you use it”. Again it’s not really about the money, but more the feeling of being an economic burden to them. I also asked them to speak more Chinese to me, so I could use it some more, but that wasn’t a possibility, because they wanted to practice their English. Due to cultural differences and language barriers we often had some misunderstandings, so some days I was locked out of the apartment for hours or even a days, because they couldn’t give me a key. This also made our daily lives very dependent on each other. My worst experience with my homestay was mostly that I never really felt welcomed. The husband only talked to me in the beginning because the wife asked him to do it (she told me that, when we had an argument). When I asked for something I was often met with an answer such as “why do you always ask. You know it is like…”. I have been told “you think you have friends here, but actually you don’t”, which was difficult to hear for someone who just finished high school and never had gone abroad alone and honestly felt lonely sometimes in the new country, especially because I didn’t get any classmates either. I was often referred to as “an adult” and was afterwards questioned why I didn’t behave like one. Even though I’m not a child, I’m still a total stranger to the country and culture, but I’m willing to learn if they’re willing to teach me. I felt like a burden and I dared not to ask about more complicated things in the fear of being met by “why do you always ask, you should know” or just getting totally misunderstood without a chance to explain myself. During my time in China I contacted the school for advice and sometimes I also asked them not to let my hostfamily know, because it would just cause more misunderstandings as it did the times I tried to talk with them myself. Every time I asked the school for advice I was always met by “it’s just because of culture differences. Try to talk with them, then I’m sure you two can figure it out”. I have tried to talk, but it didn’t work and the language school also discussed the matter with my hostfamily without letting me know, even though I asked them not to. After my hostfamily had heard I had spoken with the school instead of going directly to them, I was confronted with “why do you not go to me instead? We are proper adults, we should be able to talk directly to each other instead”. I stopped seeking help from the language school over time until the day I was told that they couldn’t take me anymore and was looking forward to when I finally was gone. According to them I was rude, ungrateful and unable to make friends. They had helped me much more than what they saw as their responsibility. According to them, their only responsibility was to provide food and a room for me. Nothing else and I should therefore be thankful for everything except for that. Talking to me, asking me about my day, giving me advice and help about how to manage in the new country was not their responsibility. I asked the school about it and they confirmed that they were right about what their responsibilities were and wasn’t. Therefore, I have paid more than 30.000元 (€4.000) for at host family whose responsibility never was to be a family or even the host. What I paid for was just a room and some food. Nothing else. Not even the opportunity to use my Chinese with them or learn about the culture, except for when I was corrected for not behaving well according to the Chinese culture. But looking on the bright side, I got an unforgettable journey, my Chinese did improve and despite my host family’s opinion about me, I made some wonderful Chinese friends whom I had fun with and whom I’m still in contact with today.